"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatevers freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it aint the unknown anymore and it aint scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier." Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halperns dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that hes decided to propose to his girlfriend. "Youve been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It aint like you found a parallel fucking universe." But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything hes learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And thats just what Justin does--revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters. I Suck at Girls is full of his dads patented brand of wisdom. But its also full of new characters just as funny as his dad--from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "Thats what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrims progress through the landscape of sex and love--by one of the funniest writers at work today.